Sizzle: When The Media Sizzles, You’ll Find It Here!

Kanye with his "baby sis"

Rihanna: Most publications are reporting, based on “sources,” that she was indeed the victim of Chris Brown’s alleged assault.  (The first to name her, perhaps unethically, was the Los Angeles Times.)  As such, PEOPLE has an article on Kanye West’s concern for Rihanna: he’s “devastated” and would do “any and everything to help her.”  He also says he thinks RiRi could be “the greatest artist of all time.”  That’s a little much, Kanye.  You can stop now.

Obama: The Mrs. will be only the second First Lady in history to be featured on the cover of Vogue.  The first: Hillary Clinton.  We would’ve guessed Jackie O!

Obama Pt. 2: Gave the Huffington Post the honor of being the first online publication to be called upon in a White House news conference.  Will SIZZLE be next?  (Hey, we can dream, can’t we?!)

Grey’s Anatomy: Katherine Heigl and T.R. Knight are as good as gone.  Apparently it’s just a matter of “when.”

Adam Sandler: If this doesn’t mean hilarity, we don’t know what does.  Sandler will star alongside Chris Rock, Kevin James, Rob Schneider and David Spade in a yet-to-be-titled movie.  It’s gotta be funny, right?

Queen Latifah: Not best known for her singing but the girl does have a voice. She’ll prove it later this month when shes sings  the classic “I’ll Be Seeing You” at the Oscars.

Future TV: A new report argues that, in the future, we’ll have the capability of watching TV through contact lenses.  Tattoos that allow us to feel the character’s emotions may also be possible. Sounds bizarre.  And incredibly intriguing!

My Network TV: In its own futuristic move, network is planning to stop being, well, a network.  Instead it will just have two hours of syndicated programming each week night.  The rest will likely be paid programing a la infomercials.  As long as it includes ShamWow, we’re in!

Sports Illustrated: If the cover model (Bar Refaeli) for the Swimsuit issue is going to pull her bottoms down, couldn’t they at least make sure she didn’t have any tan lines? Or is that supposed to be hot or something?

Celeb Mags: No wonder we can’t get hired!  The grocery line staples are suffering from major losses right now.  Not that we didn’t already know that.  And not that we wanted to work for tabloids, anyway.  PEOPLE (our dream job!) was the only mag to grow!!!!

SIZZLED OUT: Nick Cannon (Mariah Carey)

STILL SIZZLING: A first-time survey by Forbes ranked this actor, known for his sitcom and movie blockbusters, as “Hollywood’s most valuable,” meaning he is the best at “ensuring the financial success of film projects.”